About Chinamen

Wickman was at balcony discussion on Saturday and was guilty of misleading the audience about Chinamen. Extensive research (a bit of Googling, cricinfoing and wikipediaing) leaves him perplexed.

Wickman believes a Chinaman to be a ball bowled by a left arm wrist spinner that replicates a right hand leg spin bowler's googly - the essential element being the deception.

However - all those august sources say that a Chinaman is merely a ball bowled by a lefthanded bowler that turns from a right hander's off peg to leg. A natural left handed wrist spin ball.

It was named after West Indian Test player Ellis Achong - the first Chinese descended Test player - who dismissed an English bat with it. The bat, retreating to the pavillion, muttered something along the lines of "well fancy that, dismissed by a bloody Chinaman". Excellent. A cricket term that's definitely racist... just what we needed.

So Wickman was wrong and apologises for misleading his audience. So what then IS the ball that comes out the back of the hand and goes from leg to off? Is there simply no name for it or is it a left hander's googly plain and simple?

So perplexed is Wickman that he is almost tempted to send in a question to something like "Ask Bearders". But Wickman did not get to his ripe old age by asking directions or writing in to websites or newspapers with wanky queries. Oh no.

[This is a picture of Ellis Achong - was he the first man to suffer rascist sledging in Test Cricket?]

About Ducks

Wickman was asked recently why a duck is a duck. As far as Wickman can discover it's because a zero in the scorebook looks like a duck egg. Sounds a bit lame. A golden as we know is a first baller. A silver a second baller. A bronze a third baller. A diamond duck is secured by a batsman who does not face a ball. A platinum duck is a first baller experienced by the No 1 in the first ball of the match. This has happened to Clarky twice including on club day last year to Milkybar. It's not good. Any way they come, down the Wick they cost a fiver...

Match Report - 1xi vs Merrow (a)

This was a strange game. Having got promoted last year, Merrow were full of enthusiasm and bite, unlike the previous week's opposition. We were rightly cautious but not afraid of their skills.

The opposition skipper seemed to know more about my players than I did. His knowledge was initially impressive, and latterly disturbing, asking me if Dominic Gates and Richard Cole still played for The Wick. They won the toss and bowled. No surprises there.

Davies and Hooper opened up. Whilst Davies went early to a good ball, Hooper started to smoke the ball through midwicket like the ball was on a zipline. O'Mahoney, slightly bogged down, unfortunatley got an inside edge, which brought Raza in with Hooper. The score moved onto 80-2, before Hooper fell one shy of 50. Raza then followed, skying one off the slow left arm of the opposition skipper.

AJ and Mackie progressed the score after drinks to 125, before both fell caught in the outfield. Neither Zammy nor Whinney lasted long, and it was left to O'Donnell in partnership with Ewen to get the total up. They went slightly beyond what we would have settled for at one stage, posting 170 with O'Donnell 22* on debut.

At half time the team was confident of 20 more points given the armoury in our attack.

Teas. Rubbish. 2/10 [Two out of ten? That makes the editor weep for you poor unloved boys. Oh the horror, the horror - Ed] Lots of buttered fresh bread but you had to make sandwiches yourself [Noooooooooooooooooo - Ed]. Tesco tuna paste etc. There were lots of picked onions. I like em, but not for cricket teas. Some big chunks of cheese were supplemented with some Branstons (or chutney, as Whinney called it). Very poor.

In reply, much like the Wick's innings, Merrow got off to a speedy start. Both Ewen and Whinney started with fire, but the pitch was easy paced and the short boundary and quick running made scoring easy enough. The breeze had now become a serious wind, which affected all bowlers. Clearly it was a day for Fordy mate et al.

Fordy came on and got the breakthrough. LBW. ats. O'Donnell then came on and bowled with good control and enthusiasm, getting his first Wick wicket caught at Gully.

Enter Tughral. He again spun his way to 3 excellent wickets, aided by some adept stumping action by O'Mahoney and a snaffle by Hooper at short midwicket. Zammy also got a run out (although it came after he had made an initial fumble).

Raza joined the party, tying up one end to put the pressure on the bats to try to force Zamm out of the attack. As the ball softened and the slippers moved into the ring, the runs dried up. The #3 Aussie, a very good bat, top scored with a patient 60-odd, before eventually being caught in the deep.

Merrow ended up 25 short, but it had been tense throughout as both innings had mirrored each other - fast starts, and as the ball softened runs became very difficult to come by. Lessons for the Wick - dont get caught in the outfield, use your feet to upset the spinners/dibbly dobblies, and be patient. The difference was that we had a #10 who scored 22*, a class leg spinner and runs on the board. The pressure was too much and 40 points had become 60.

The batting was better, but still short of where we can be. The fielding was much improved on a bobbly outfield and horrendously windy conditions. The bowling was as sound as ever.

It must be remembered though that Merrow dropped a lot of catches and let through a number of extras. In all honesty we didn't deserve this victory, but Merrow certainly didnt after their fielding performance. We can be pleased however that we won playing within ourselves. You cant ask for much more. No doubt we will start losing once we start playing as we know we can.

[Here's a picture of O'Mahoney early in his innings]

Merrow Eat Words With Revenge on Menu

HWRCC 2xi vs Merrow CC 2xi (h)

Cole, Singh, Fudge, Hibberd, Clark, High, Soppitt, Donnelly, Iqbal, Lown, Unsworth

Merrow 84 (E X Tras 20*), HWRCC 85-2

HWRCC wins by 8 wickets

There’s very little to say about an ultimately disappointing game that left the balcony sages to conclude that Merrow must have availability issues this season. Having waited since the League dinner where Merrow ‘keeper Lock asked Lownsy with no hint of a smile “whether we were still bitter” that they had won the championship to shove that comment back down Merrow throats, when the game came round so easy was the stroll to 20 points that there would have been time for a 2020 game after and Clarky would still have made his restaurant booking at 9.00pm in Esher with time for a couple of vodka martinis to kick things off.

Merrow won the toss and chose to bat on what looked to be a good Wick surface. Rather lively for any other square, but good for the Wick. Lownsy took up where he left off last week removing the top three, all caught in the cordon off aggressive swing bowling a la Sidebottom, the only hint of alarm in Clark palming the No 3 to Coley at second slip. Fantasy points for Clark but not fantasy managers with Clark in their team. Sneaky. After a first game of the season when he couldn’t bend a banana, Lownsy is now looking very threatening having found a yard of pace in the nets.

Donnelly was gun barrel straight as per usual and deserved a better return than the one wicket he took – an lbw come bowled removing the gobby League dinner Wicky. He looked suspiciously at the deck. Those of us with lingering Wick memories will know that it’s a risky shot indeed to play back at the Millennium Wood end. Junaid, or, as Clarky has taken to calling him, “Iqqers”, then bowled a mature spell of five overs, also taking a wicket.

Coley, in his first game for the 2s this year, looked too good for Merrow’s middle and late order. Bounce did for a number of bats and a good legside stumping from Clarky removed the top scoring Merrow bat much to his evident frustration with the square leg umpire. Unsworth returned to the side from eating pies (sorry that should read University) and bowled a tidy spell exploiting the ridge to good effect. Hibberd was brought on as fourth or fifth change and promptly cleaned up the tail, two caught spooning the ball up and failing to get it off the square (Iqqers taking a running chance at square leg the pick) and comprehensively yorking a No 11 who was a ferret and no mistake. E X Tras top scored for Merrow.

The fielding performance was adequate. Three spills in the field again (although Fudgey is calling it two for the record books). However it was good enough to do for Merrow which is, after all, the point. Wickman does wonder though whether we would get away with it against some of the title contenders…

Tea. ATS. NO variation this week. 6.

There was not much to do in the batting department. Coley and Nate managed to perish to a left arm legger who was later savaged so badly by Hibby that he had to be taken off suffering from whiplash and shell shock. Fudge ended not out to bring his season’s average to a superhuman 106. Which is only beaten by the absent Wright’s career 2s average of approximately 200...

MOM is a tough call this week between Lown and Hibberd. This week it goes to Lown for removing the top three including the dangerous Mead who has scored runs against us in the past. And that’s it. Nothing else to say. Er oh yes. TFC. To Merrow. See you next week folks.

Third Wickwash Takes All Three Teams to the Top

Sunday mornings are often hard work. With grey skies above the Wick and vague recollections of an early morning deluge this Sunday morning should be no different from any other. Except that it is. Mid afternoon yesterday after a demolition of Merrow 2xi in the league that was so comprehensive that when first Sisso, then Andy, then Julian and then Jelly arrived at the Wick to watch a bit of cricket all they found was the 2s ensconced on the balcony hard at a succession of jugs a few of the team discussed how it felt to be the only team at the club that wasn’t in the promotion positions. This morning Play Cricket tells us that we ARE in the promotion places – second place to Chobham by a point. Happy Days. 1s and 3s first in their leagues, 2s second by a single point. Wick. Played 9, Won 8, Drawn 1. Three weekends into the season, two Wickwashes. Now that IS Wick!

Second Ton for Royal Cricket

May 19th. 103 visits. FACT

Match Report - Sunday xi vs Nepotists by Wickman Jr

HWRCC VS NEPOTISTS – SUNDAY MAY 18th Wick – 174/6 off 40 overs (Golby 34, Whinney 27, Hirsch 25)

Defeated

Nepotists – 171/6 (Whinney 2/13 off 8 overs; MJ and Vaider picking up a couple each)

Wick snatch it late to keep 100% record Whinney the hero in 3rd successive win

On these very pages last year, you may remember I asked the question: “What does it mean to be Wick?” It intrigued me at the time because all I’d ever hear from Wickman was – “is he wick?”, when referring to a new player or colt coming through the ranks. Believing I had arrived at an answer, I cited the performance of a young Junaid Iqbal, who put on 30-odd runs to help the 3s score a dramatic come-from-behind win against Long Ditton last year.

From this example, being “Wick” meant having a “never say die” attitude, an ability to fight to the end and to back yourself no matter what the situation. I was convinced that was it. However now, I think the definition can be strengthened. Because after seeing the performance of PE Man Shaun Whinney on Sunday, whose bowling at the death of the match helped pull off a thrilling 3-run victory over the touring Nepotists, I think we can add another descriptive: “love for the game”.

Being Wick means loving cricket. It might sound like a pretty stupid thing to say, but I think we sometimes overlook the fact that, while we’re so hell bent on winning, we also should be having fun doing it. Shaunny epitomizes this as much as anyone else at the club (controversial?). He loves batting, bowling, fielding, even keeping! And isn’t too bad at the sledging either (crucial in a Jimmy C-led team really…..). He eats the game up. That he came back to the UK just to have another season of cricket at the Wick, speaks volumes about the character of the bloke.

But enough of this sycophancy and on to the match.

After spending a big night with Del and Lloydy out in Kingston, Skipper Jimmy C arrived at the Wick eager to build on the first two games of the season. With just a few hours kip under the belt, thanks to the work of a swimming instructor who had never been in a pool, he promptly lost the toss and was sent in to bat on a cold, but beautiful, afternoon. Game on.

Led by Goldy and Nathan, the Wick got off to a solid start. Goldy, who looks to be in better form as each match passes, was free to play his shots against a good opening attack (it must be said). The cut shot was preferred option at all times. Nathan was likewise in fine form. With the timing of a young David Gower (is there talk?), he breezed to 24 runs with some glorious stroke play (reminiscent of the skipper on Saturday night).

However, despite Nath’s solid start, he was back in the hutch after being caught at cover (You were hung-over mate – admit it). And while anyone losing their wicket is a downer, the fact that he made way for new boy (talk him up) Chris Madoc-Jones, was a tantalizing prospect.

Skipper Jimmy C had been told about MJ during the week by first team skipper Matty D. And let me tell you, this kid is good. Very good, in fact. While he may look like a normal kid, when he is out in the middle he looks as though he has already played 100 test matches, notched up a few centuries, and led his country to a few world cup victories (bit excessive….orrrrrrr?). Making a quick fire 20-odd before skying a shot to cover (unlucky), Jimmy C was still impressed. Can you play next week mate?

Despite the losses of Nathan and MJ, the score ticked over at more than 4 runs per over. The arrival of Shaun Whinney, who was timing the ball to perfection, alongside Golby who continued to experiment with the cut shot, helped us to look comfortable. And while Golby eventually went for a valuable 34, the emergence of Joey “Hirchshelle Gibbs” Hirsh to the crease kept the score moving. Clearly motivated by the efforts of Maddoc Jones, Joe Hirsh was sensational. With long drives and timing as good as a young David Gower (there are now two at the club – FACT), the boy put on 25 runs in what was a top knock.

With the support of Whinney and Hirsh, followed by Kennedy and Del Boy, we were able to bring the score to 174-6 after 40. It was a good total Jimmy C thought.

Tea – ats

Heading out to the field, Skipper Jimmy C was thrilled with his bowling and fielding line up. Forget what the Saturday teams will tell you, Sundays provides the best opportunity to see a real team put together – FACT. Opening the bowling with Whinney and Junaid is a captain’s dream (although Joey would be nice to throw in the mix to be fair). And they rarely disappoint.

Whinney bowled so far out of his skin that I swear he could easily have been a young Alan Donald (without any skin). I couldn’t tell. Bowling down the hill, Whinney put every ball on the Putney Bridge to make the oppo’s batsmen look silly (think Nick Nolte’s mug shot after a recent arrest). However, despite these efforts and Junaid’s toil at the other end, the Wick were unable to get the early breakthrough they wanted.

Sensing that this game might go the distance, Jimmy C put himself and Duncan “safe hands” Kennedy into the attack to shake things up a bit. It didn’t really work. Although, Jimmy was pretty much on the spot as usual and Duncan got the ball to “do a bit” from the other end, that first elusive wicket was still to be taken. Meanwhile, the batsmen were putting on the runs.

It was time to reach into the bag and bring out the wild card – MJ. Setting his own field, MJ started to send them down the track to two batsmen gaining in confidence. Following two consecutive sixes off his bowling, Jimmy C was starting to think this might not be his day. And as his next ball was dispatched into the outfield, Jimmy C had his head in his hands. Surely game over. Thankfully, “Safe hands” Duncan was under the ball and took a brilliant catch. He’s got the best pair of hands in the club. Fact. The same thing happened a few overs later. Jimmy started to believe.

Bringing Vaider into the attack (I rate this boy, I really do), the boundaries started to slow up. Putting the ball on the spot, the batsmen became frustrated and began to lash out. The Nepotists now needed 36-odd runs off the last 30 balls. We were still in it with a chance.

Enter Whinney at the death. Bowling yorker after yorker, the batsmen couldn’t get the ball away, and after a few wild shots, two more wickets fell after the stumps were left shattered by Whinney. TALK IT UP MATE. You could feel the drama build.

It went to the last over. They needed 11 off 6. Then 11 off 5; 7 off 4; 7 off 3; 5 off 2 and 5 off 1 (after Kempy put down a sitter).

Heart in mouth time.

Whinney launched in. The bat got a hold of one. Would it go for six? No – you bet it wouldn’t. It went straight to Duncan at deep mid-off. He lobbed the ball back to Whinney at the bowlers end and he took the bails off. We had won by 3 runs. “£!!** YES!!!!” The boys were elated. What a win!

It was a terrific match for anyone that watched (ask Wickman). I never thought being skipper could be this much fun, and I thank Whinney for showing me that on Sunday. Bring on next Sunday I say. And with Joey, Whinney and Matty D all confirmed (I may need to double check that), I can’t bloody wait.

Wickman Junior.

[Here's a handy picture of where MOM Shaun comes from in PE!!!]

Tea Grading

For those of you uncertain of the scoring around teas, there is no standard calibration. As experienced as your scribes are in the sampling of teas around the Middlesex and Surrey areas you must expect some variation. It's an art, not a science.

Points should be awarded for: 1. Freshness - essential. Stale teas are a crime against cricket and should probably be included in the The Spirit of the Game or whatever its called next time around. Fruit is frowned upon in some tradtional quarters as being the work of the devil (remember what happened to Eve in the garden) but Wickman is wholely supportive. If he can get one of his five a day at tea then it can't be bad.

2. Homemadeness - only a truly homemade tea (ie no purchased multi-pack Penguins etc) could ever approach a ten.

3. Innovation - something new, or at least new to the scribe, is important. Ewhurst had a ham one year which was sourced from the local butcher. It was soooo good. They had fresh French bread too. Westfield had sort of custard pies. DBW created a new tikka sandwich filling a couple of weeks ago. Lingfield (Wickman thinks) had pickled onions. Someone else had beetroot in vinegar. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm *Wickman pauses to wipe drool off the keyboard*

4. The Tea (drink) must be plentiful, hot and served in a mug. It should not be the colour of milk. It should be the colour of Del's 20 year old jocky.

5. Abundance - there must be enough of it so that no one has to think "damn it I just can't take any more otherwise the oppo won't get any".

6. Presentation - vitally important to present the tea in such a fashion that the eye and brain can immediately sum up a) how to assemble the perfect plate - one of everything or should one stock up on a particular aspect such as sandwiches? b) how many people will need to be served from it (see 5) so that the teaer can take what's needed? c) has the chef added small touches such as parsley, lettuce (see 1) to show that the art of presentation is not dead?

Thus a standard DBW tea will score between 6 and 7 most weeks. The howler of two weeks ago fell foul of 1). Occasionally Wickman feels that the dodgy mugs DBW uses contravene 4). The homemadeness we all know is often totally absent unless there has been a wedding / funeral / orienteering meet.

Wickman hopes this helps. However Wickman will be enquiring of Lloydy how Matty D scored Saturday's tea as an ATS 5 and Lloydy scored it 8. An 8 this early in the season is just plain wrong. Mentally Wickman has taken the average of the two scores coming out a robust 6.5... [Here's a picture of a fantastic tea. This tea looks as if it could be a 9]

Fantasy Cricket - Week 2

Another great week for the week sees all 3 teams remain undefeated. The fantasy table is opening up with 459 points between 1st and last. Fudgey leads the players board with an average of 138 points a game (bowlers game huh?!)

But to bring him down a bit, he didnt pick himself. His girlfriend did and that's why she is top of the league for week 2. well done jo.

Match Report - 1xi vs Old Tiffinians (h)

In 2007 the 1XI won 3 games and finished a commendable 8th. In 2008, they have already won 2 out of 2, and a 100% record thus far speaks volumes about the ability and team ethic that has emerged in the squad. Everyone really wants to be involved and contribute, and with different people taking leading roles each week, this could turn into a season to remember.

Sat 17th May, Home v Old Tiffs.

Before we start, it must be pointed out that the opposition started the game with 6 players, and when the rest arrived their total was still 2 shy of a full quota. Read what you like into that.

Old Tiffs won the toss and chose to bat - the main reason being their low numbers. MattyD would have probably batted as well, but the fact he had been debating it with most of the team for half an hour mean't it could go either way. A good toss to lose. The deck was green, but it was hard and pretty zippy as well. The odd ball misbehaved a bit, but nothing particularly unusual. Joey started where he left off last week, again picking up a wicket in the first over. In came the number 3. Well, he bated at 3, although I wouldn't like to compare him in any way to our number 3 (Boney). Joey was wasted on him as he continually missed not only the ball but also his mummy. However, Joey couldn't hit the stumps, so he and the other opener moved the scores along to 40 off 12 overs, with Fordy off colour at the other end.

The innings turned howver when Tughral entered, post exams, and flighted his way to 6wickets. with little turn available, he used his flight and guile to guide his way to each wicket, picking up the dangerous 4 and 5 before they had a chance to show their full array of talents. Kam chipped in at the other end with a dubious lbw, but his bowling is slowly returning to 2007's standards.

OT finished on 121-8 (all out) off 35 overs.

A quick turnaround meant Davies and Cole were keen to hit the ground running. Davies, deciding to abandon the 'leave' proceeded to progress at a run a ball, playing some decent strokes alongside a few typical golby like dabs past gully. Davies fell on 49 just before tea.

Tea - ats. 5.

With only 50-odd needed, O'Mahoney came to the crease and showed how to bat properly at that position, falling on 25 when only peanuts were needed to kill off the game. Cole remained unbeaten on 20 at the other end, despite his Friday exploits corporate style at Lords.

In conclusion, the team should be pleased that tey have dominated two teams in the field, and that the batting is coming together. However, there is still lots of room for improvement. The odd catch was dropped, the odd lazy fumble in the field etc etc. Having said that things are bubbling nicely.

Match Report - 2xi vs Old Kingstonians (a) by Clarky

Old Kingstonian’s 2xi vs HWRCC 2xi
HWRCC 248-5 (45.5 overs) declared. D Fudge 109, N Singh 56
Old Ks 129-8 (50 overs). D Lown Four for not very many.
HWRCC draw by 120 runs.
Singh, Clark, Fudge, Globby, Wright, Hibberd, Soppitt, Powell, Donnelly, Hill, Lown

Division new boys take down last year’s 3rd placed team in bore draw

If Alan Sugar had dragged the two teams together on Saturday morning and said, in that Norf Lahndon drawl “go ahhhht and put on a game of cricket, the team that plays the best cricket will win the game. One of the losers will be firrrred” then the Board Room scene at the end of the task could have been very messy.

On the face of it Skipper Fudge and the Wick team would imagine themselves safe from a grilling. Clark apart (who picked up a third ball duck after having almost been run out without facing by an anxious duck avoiding Iqbal, sorry Singh, sorry Nathan) the batsmen mostly delivered in some style. The fielding was close to exemplary although the grassing of a sitter by Hibby and a tracer bullet one handed slip catch by Wrighty might have been more expensive on another day. The bowling was largely naggingingly good if not life-threateningly quick – Dom Lown bowled by some margin his finest spell in a twos shirt to take four for not very many.

On a filthy, filthy day (the contrast with last week was absolute) we travelled to Old Kingstonian’s ground. Owned and maintained by an educational establishment it was immaculate. Beautiful. An outfield smoother than an ice rink. A deck that looked the right colour. Sightscreens freshly painted. HOT showers. This would be an absolute pleasure to play on and no doubt. It did though, con The Wick into batting for too long. Up to 180 from 33 overs, the boys settled into a strange torpor, only scoring another 70 from the next twelve. With such value to be obtained from the outfield we felt we needed to take some overs out of the game otherwise the declaration would be too generous we thought.

In fact in the context of Old K’s reply the Wick put on a quite majestic 248 from 45.5 overs at 5.4 an over. Asked to score at just under 5 in reply Old K’s gave up at the tea break the skipper declaring, none to quietly, that the win was gone. Sad. So there we go. Another skipper (like last week) wins the toss, and sticks the oppo in because he has no confidence in his team.

Fudgey scored one of those tons that Fudgey scores. Off drives. Paddle sweeps. Lofted checked pulls. Nudges for one. He mostly saw it like a beachball. Accompanying him after the early demise of the unfortunate Duck Tax paying Clark was Nathan. Nathan was “due a score”. He promptly put together a wonderful maiden half century full of off driving that had those huddled on the sidelines for warmth briefly glowing with pleasure.

Wrighty continued in his merry way of scoring runs without being out – this time 33 of them to average about 200 for the 2s. Hibby crashed a rapid 22. Golby and Del did what they both do nudging and scampering. The game changing incident though had already happened long before the declaration. Fudgey was given not out by Del relatively early in his innings.

Ever since the advent of Hawkeye, amateur umpires and players have become much more, well, hawkish about LBW shouts. The opposition felt that Fudgey was out. Whatever. They then proceeded not to give any of 13 shouts for LBW when they batted. A few of those appeals were marginal. Perhaps one or two would have missed the leg stump. Certainly they were optimistic. However there were two in particular which were so plumb they hurt. One was a full toss from Lownsy which hit the bat on the toe in front of middle. Had it gone straight on (which the law now says an umpire must think) it would have hit 4 inches above the base of middle. The other was a pad up by the same batsman. He would have lost his off stump had the ball carried on. Neither were given “because you didn’t give your guy out!” It’s a bit Latvian to say this, but if that was the reason they didn’t give an LBW all day rather than “the batsman gets the benefit of the doubt as I wasn’t sure” then, I am afraid, that’s sharp practice. Which is one step from cheating.

The surviving bat was the only reason that Old K’s did not lose this game. He scored 29 from a staggering 124 balls faced. It was the most boring innings this correspondent has witnessed since he and a colleague misunderstood a coach’s instructions to play for a draw in a school game by stodging it out from 1 wicket down for over 90 minutes. But as that occurred when your correspondent was 11 he is claiming lack of experience. This guy was clearly an experienced cricketer. It’s not that he didn’t have any shots either. He had at least one (a powerful square cut). He employed this four times in his innings. The rest of the innings was just dull. Mostly he spent the time playing the ball between his legs (but not onto the stumps unfortunately) or with his pads (which turned out to be the safest way to play yesterday). Eventually he edged a low full toss from Hibberd on to his stumps attempting to play an attacking shot but the time and overs he had used up were critical to Old K’s survival.

Old K’s were in the fight only as long as their opening bat was at the crease. Swinging like a mad axeman he smote and smote, often at thin air, sometimes connecting. This guy was intent on replicating Fudgey’s feat but in half the time. Once he was out the Number 3, who had a rather comical resemblance to a character from Fantasy Island (The plane! The plane!), did not look to have the technique to win the game. Everyone else who came in wasn’t up for it (although to be fair the ‘keeper did have a go, the skipper was out third ball and another chap for a golden).

The boys bowled well to try to winkle out the oppo. Even Powelly took a wicket despite only being able to bowl one ball at pace (4 wides) and four off two paces as his knee gave way. Lownsy was a revelation this week. He found a yard of pace, pitched the ball up much further and after an early flurry of leg side deliveries, camped out on off stump and brought the ball back. Excellent stuff. A win would have probably given him MOM… Hibby too bowled at pace and was accurate in his second spell. He almost cracked the game open with 10 or twelve overs to go removing Barnacle Bill before also deceiving the No 6 with a slower ball. Tommy D was like a wife of forty years who can hear a man pick up a newspaper through solid brick – nagging. Hilly, in his first bowl of the year, produced unplayable delivery after unplayable delivery until the rain got to the ball and took the shine. Del and Fudgey tossed some up – but to no avail. There was not MUCH more they could have done. Certainly it would have been useful to have Powelly firing on all cylinders as his mix of inswinging toe crushers and stump to stump pace but the others did a fantastic job.

So back to the Boardroom. If Sugar knew anything about cricket he might ask Fudgey “What did you think you were doooooing batting on to 45.5 ovvvvvvahhhs?” You would expect Fudgey to answer along the lines that Old K’s made 230 the previous week, this deck was as good as you’d get in the circumstances and the outfield was 5 an over good. Sugar might point the finger at Hibberd and ask about “that” drop. He might even call it a fiasssssssssco. Sugar might ask the middle order why they didn’t press on particularly quickly from 180 for 3 at 33 overs.

The oppo skipper would be in some serious doodoo. 129-8 is not good sport. Denying LBs on flimsy ground is not good sport. Ordering a rearguard that would have put Stalingrad to shame is not good sport. Sugar would also ask what Barnacle Bill does for excitement because he certainly doesn’t get it playing cricket.

Given though that the Wick eventually ran out 9-3 points winners in this game Sugar’d have to invite the oppo skipper in. It’s the rules you see. The oppo skipper would need to try to stave off a sacking for conceding runs at 5.4 an over and then getting a big fat duck. He’d probably take in the guy who got the golden as well. He didn’t do anything else all day. He’d consider his second change bowler who played in black skater trainers (village village village). But he’d have to take in the couple who made the teas. Sugar would have a field day. “ownnnleee four kinds of saaaaandwiches? Tuna and sweeeetcorn? That’s a Pizzzzzzzaaaa recipe not a saaaaaaaandwich. No Egg and Cress even? Tea cups the siiiiizze of blaaaahdy thimbuls?! That’s not a tea it’s a shhhhhhaaaaaaaaaambles. Tea lady? With regret, youre’d fired!” (4.5 out of ten for the statisticians amongst you).

MOM Fudgey.

3rdXI Vs Weybridge Vandals

Team: Risman, Pushpanath, Crane, High, Lloyd ©, Cameron, Copeland +,Kennedy, Taylorson, Nicholls, Ashmore

With the weather looking bleak to say the least you could be forgiven for thinking this game was to be a non event. However, whilst striding out to the middle for the coin toss it seemed both captains were keen to get a game in as it was decided that we would play through rain unless it started getting dangerous. So I promptly lost the toss for the second time in a row and having seen the damage our bowling attack did to Camberley the week previous we were put in to bat. Riso and new man Shyam looked comfortable from the off and put on an opening stand of 74 befor Shayam fell to a catch at point. The young lad sticking up a hand in hope more than expectation only to find the ball stuck and he celebrated like he had won the lottery. Riso followed shortly afterwards and brought Monkey boy to the crease to partner up Cransey in potentially explosive partnership. As it happened Monkey played a really nice innings full of composure and flair. Sadly Adam realised too soon that you need to leave the drive in the bag when playing on Kingsfield and holed out for a disappointing 6. Monkey and Lloydy put on a strong partnership of 74 for the 4th wicket and saw Monkey reach his maiden 3’s fifty with a number of huge 6’s. Lloydy tried his hardest to prove that you can drive on Kingsfield and was dropped twice on the way to 24 before playing round a straight one to bring Jimmy C to the crease. Jimmy played with his usual bottom handed finesse and ticked the runs along nicely. Monkey decided that his head had gone against their grenade chucker. Jimmy C disagreed. Monkey lost his middle stump next ball for 59. Told you he said. Duncan and the chubby chaser upped the run rate nicely over the last few overs till Jimbo top edged to the keeper and brought Harry in for the final few overs. 47 overs 215 on the board and Lloydy drew the innings to a close with Duncan on 37. Teas- Good with the foods of the world theme extended to some Italian cold cuts. Hot tea was unbelievably welcome. 8/10 With 20 overs being the magic number, the energy of recent weeks fielding performances continued and we found ourselves on top pretty quickly. Jimmy bowling down hill with pace and bounce threatened with everyball. A piece of captaining brilliance saw Duncan moved to 2nd slip and the next delivery drew the edge and nestled into his hands. 2 balls later and he has the number 3 LBW without scoring. Ian bowling uphill in his third over gets one to dip in and the bat gloved onto his own stumps to bring us to 3 for 4 off 5. Nice. Jimmy finished his spell with 4 wickets and Ian with 3, a comedy run out and a wicket for chairman nipps topped it off to win by 165 runs and send a happy Wick back to the bar with their supporters. Thanks go to Dave Ashmore whom I dragged from his bed to field for us and to Shyam for turning out to play on Friday night. Next week we are away to Wallington who were relegated from the Surrey Championship so should be more of a test. Fingers crossed for good availability up the club so we can field strong teams throughout.

Fantasy cricket - week 1

A good start to the fantasy league sees J Ratnage take an 89 point lead. Top point scorer this week was Fordy with 143 points following a well earned michelle. Remember with another 17 weeks to go, its a marathon not a sprint. and plenty of time to make up points. Teams can still be entered but after this saturday will not include any previous games points..

Lost 1 x Rubber Chicken

With the new league season underway, the Wick duck tax account is well and truly open and already being levied upon those who fail to trouble the scorer. Indeed in the last two weeks illustrious members such as Jimmy C, Goldmember, Nathan and Melman have all become members of the 08zero club and enjoyed the tricky experience of drinking past a rubber duck in their beer. But there is something missing. This heinous crime of non scoring is going unpunished as Nelson our fine enforcing chicken friend appears to have flown south for winter and not returned. There was a rumour that he was holidaying at Hibby's flat and that Hibby had been choking him to within an inch of his life to put him out of action. Hibby was unavailable to comment...

If anyone has any information pertaining to Nelson's whereabouts please e-mail Wickman (who ever he is) or comment below. This is a recent photo from his holiday album.... the female on the right has been ruled out of the investigation on the basis she is fowl.