Final Weekend...

A final weekend to be remembered by some for a long time and quickly forgotten by others.

The 1st xi played host to Kingstonian and after a gritty start sank from 33-0 to 51-6 with more ducks than can be counted on the Thames at Kingston Bridge. The dreaded duck tax - if still in evidence - would have raised 25 sheets. Only Yas stood firm with an excellent 50 from 127 all out in 42.3 overs. Zammak took 4-14 in reply but 127 was never enough on a decent end of season track and Kingstonian came home comfortably. A lower mid-table finish for the 1s.

The 3xi were treated to an impeccable innings by Neal Prowse of Normandy who batted for approximately 48 overs to score a chance-less 136*. He played some breathtaking shots, sweeping our quicks for Kingsfield Maximums on a number of occasions and handing out a lesson to all on what is always a competitive surface. 261-7 was always going to be a big ask. The Wick got away to a flyer with Paul Sayce in complete command early on but with Prowse also turning out to be handy bowler (6-1-12-2) removing both Sayce and Fawad, the middle order were unable to keep up with the rate and following the departures of Clark and T'other Sayce the game was up. The 3s finished 4th in the table in a season that had a sniff of more.

The 4xi were unfortunately otherwise occupied on Saturday and didn't raise a side, confirming Oxted and Limpsfield as survivors and condemning Guildford and Woking to the drop. Wickman guesses these will not be happy fixtures next season. The 4s in the end propped up the table having promised a houndini act a few weeks ago but ultimately were undone by poor availability.

The balcony was much cheered in the evening by the return of the 2xi who chased 213 at Thames Ditton. Wickets for Webbo and Fahad and tidy spells from Tong, Birkett and Saran restricted TD. Collier, dislocating a finger, first went to Kingston A&E to have it put back in place before returning to make 32* in partnership with Fahad to get us over the line after excellent knocks from Tong and Jackson laid the foundation. A not so comfortable mid-table finish gives the 2s everything to play for next year.

Wick... washed July 26 Update

The news from the front was not good on Saturday, all four teams cut down, with the 1s and 3s both taking their games to the wire but coming up short.

The 1xi restricted Farncombe to 203-9 from the full 55 overs, but then perished for 201 in reply with 9 balls remaining. Yasir's 49 at the top of the order provided a platform, Nomaan the elbow grease in the middle with 44 from 31 balls but the lower order were unable to get the Wick across the line. Three run outs didn't help.

For Sinjun Grammarians, Mobi Choudhury was just unable to make his 100, falling Cook-like for 95 at the 10th wicket, chasing the necessary runs off Usman. 229 was a tall order when the Wick fell away to 55-5 but Rob Reeve showed real defiance hitting 10 fours on his way to 62. The Wick failed to hang on for a winning draw even, eventually dismissed for 162 with a couple of overs remaining.

The 3xi set basement dwellers Chessington 205 to win from 51 overs but failed to defend it, losing in the last over. A patient partnership of 90 between Tom "Sydney" Symcock (26) and Rob Sayce (57) rebuilt after the majority of the top order failed to deliver and Dom Jones and Max Talman displayed great maturity to accelerate towards a declaration. A bravura attacking performance at the top of the order from the oppo's "Mad Dog" McKay (53 from about 25 balls) turned the game on its head and more cautious innings from Mark Spiller (52) and captain Richard Eustace (27*) saw them over the line. Chapeau as the say in the Tour de France.

The 4xi had an unpleasant experience at Sunbury - dismissed for 76 in 35 overs before being handed a batting lesson as the oppo chased down the total in 6 overs. Obviously keen to get to the bar.

Better luck next week...

Wick!

3s Wheels Come Off at Walton

How Smithy Saw Clarky's 1-33

Walton on Thames 3xi - 195-9 (50.5) Dom Jones 4-35

The Wick 89 all out

WoT win by lots

And so to Walton on Thames – the next stop on the 3s’ journey through Surrey Div 2. Wickman awoke  to thunderstorms, Clarky to dreams of dusky maidens and (ahem) – sorry – thoughts of victory in a near top of the table clash.

Walton 3s play on the old Olinda Vandals island, home now of the Weybridge vandals – in a ground share. The deck was sort of mottled. Hard in places.  There was a suspicious damp patch on a length (Clarky’s dreams again (ahem, ahem)) sorry – and the track was sweating after a night under the covers (like er… Clarky). All in all it’s not a bad place to play cricket – the weather was hot and humid and both skippers fancied a bowl. But Clarky, standing in for Saycey, called correctly.

Prawn and Smith were handed the new ball and Smith promptly outbowled his junior partner, enjoying the rare luxury of not being 4^th change. He swung and seamed it and was unlucky not to remove either opener in what was a fine spell. Prawny too beat the bat regularly and kept a tight lid on proceedings. However the slight lack of pace in the pitch early on possibly reduced his wicket taking potential on the day and we were forced to sit in and see if we could fashion a breakthrough.

That was achieved through a genius piece of teamwork, Mackie and Lloyd spotting a technical flaw in the #2 and the skipper responding by placing Mackie at short midwicket… only for #2 to clip one almost immediately to him off the impressive Smith. The ridiculous (Smith) was then exchanged for the sublime (Dom Jones) who promptly removed the other opener caught behind.  Things didn’t look too shabby at this point.

Drinks were taken after 20 and both sides could be convinced that they were doing well, the Wick limiting the runs, Walton with wickets in hand. To fiddle a few overs in the middle, and from the sublime back to the very ridiculous, Clark employed himself in lieu of a by now exhausted Prawny and with a mixture of filth and more filth immediately convinced the dangerous looking #3 to hole out at midwicket, pouched by Mackie to accompanying groans of anguish and an audible-all-over-Surrey bellow of "noooooooo" from Smith who could hardly believe that so much good bowling could go unrewarded only for Clark to golden arm a wicket with a pie.

At the other end Talman was employed to bowl left arm around and did so very neatly and with some guile. Almost immediately he too took a wicket, inducing a skied pull to midwicket where a composed Will Taylor took a running pluck. However, dear reader, if we are honest, at this point there was very little threat or spite in the wicket and the Wick through Clark and Talman hurried through some overs to limit the scoring insofaraspossible. There was heroic fielding in this period from Blanchard and Taylor in particular to limit the damage to Clark’s figures and Smith galloped gamely in the outfield to do the same for Max.

When Walton reached for the accelerator, we turned to Prawn and Dom Jones again to stem the flow. Prawny settled in after a few looseners were despatched and Walton and Christie established the game’s major partnership, but Prawny will not mind this correspondent saying that it was the younger members of the team that pulled wickets out of the hat. Blanchard took another screamer at slip, Max ran out the most dangerous oppo bat from the boundary and then Dom Jones mopped up in the face of batsmen who were intent on smiting – having one caught at slip by Smith, now hiding there from exertions of galloping - and then clean bowling two lower order swingers.

Walton declared promptly on 50.5 overs having amassed 195-9. The skipper was quite pleased right up until he realised that tea was do it yourself ham and cheese buns. Poor we felt.

So – the plan was to bat 30 overs and put together about 75 for the loss of perhaps two wickets and then bosh 120 from the last 20 as Walton wilted in the humid afternoon air.

Erm… a fairly confident start from Blanchard and Talman – who both clubbed various boundaries – seemed to suggest that the target could be overhauled. However. Hobbs for Walton bowled full, quickish and straight and the Wick seemed to suggest that this was not on. Three of the top five were bowled by him and another LBW to a Yorker and a further bat, seeking refuge at the other end, could only nibble one behind. Hindsight is a clever barstard but he would suggest that just keeping this bowling out until drinks would have been a better strategy. By drinks we were five down for – let’s say – 40 – and the game was gone.

Lloydy swept his way to 20+ but the rest were undone by the magnitude of the task (we did need 120 from the last 20… but only two wickets remained at this point) and we rather meekly subsided to 89 all out.

Sooooo. Comprehensively taken down by a good Walton bowling performance.

Lessons to be learned:

1. Keep out the straight ones.

2. If there isn’t a bad ball see 1.

3. A bad ball from Clark is as effective as a good ball from Smith

MOM certainly Dom Jones. A very impressive swing and seam bowling performance showing great promise for the future

Weekend Round Up - 19 July

Culham Takes 5-44 as 4s are Eventually Overhauled

A poor Saturday saw only the 1xi emerge victorious as threatened storms stayed away when perhaps a decent deluge would have saved a skipper or two's blushes.

The 1xi successfully chased 132 after restricting Cobham Avorians with all the bowlers taking regular wickets, spin mopping up the tail. Crowther and Ali knocked off the runs after a shaky start saw the Wick subside to 29-3, losing Davies, Hirsch and Imran cheaply. The 1s are 18 points off promotion so will need to go unbeaten (probably) to escape the division.

The 2s did not make enough runs again this week and were overhauled with wickets and overs to spare by Chessington on the main square. As there are no details on the website and Del didn't want to talk about it on Saturday night that's it... except to say bums will be getting squeaky soon as the boys are only three points above the trap door...

Walton skittled the 3xi on Saturday afternoon after the boys had put up a valiant fight to restrict them to 195-9 from 50. With a number of frontline bowlers missing or selected elsewhere Dom Jones stepped into much larger shoes and took 4-35 in two spells of excellent swing and seam bowling and even found himself on a hat-trick during the death overs. Full, straight bowling was too much for the top order in reply though and there was no way back from 36-5. There is now a 13 point gap to second place in the table. The 3s will need to win from here on in to gain promotion.

In echoes of other xis, the 4s did not put enough pressure on the scoreboard with only Ben Stephens (39) and Nick Browning (34) making contributions of note as 117 was posted. E X Tras backed them up with a handy 17. In reply the oppo were wilting in the face of the Lord's bowling subsiding to 82-7, Pete taking 5-44 but an 8th wicket partnership saw them home. The boys are 5 points above the relegation zone.

A good push in the next couple of weeks is required...

WICK

Player of the Week - Week 10

5 Wicket Haul for the Second Game in a Row...

1xi vs Old Hamptonians

Graeme Tong was the pick of the bowlers with 3 wickets as the opposition recovered from 99 for 5 to reach 227 for 8 from 52 overs. Nomaan Ali again lead the batting with 83, whilst there were useful contributions from Imran Rashid 33 and a quick 38 not out from Matt Davies to earn a winning draw. MOM Nomaan Ali

2xi vs Chipstead

Playing the top team with the longest name in the SC, Ian Collier with 62 and Razi Shah Abbas with 35 helped the Wick to 175. This was never enough against a good batting side who won by 5 wickets. MOM Ian Collier. 

3xi vs Woking & Horsell

The 3xi returned to winning ways as Schalk Van Vuuren with 5 for 33 (his second 5 wicket haul in successive appearances) helped skittle W&H for 127. The Wick won comfortably by 7 wickets with skipper Paul Sayce scoring 47 and Nick Clark 31 not out. MOM Schalk Van Vuuren

4xi vs Woking & Horsell

Another remarkable performance from the 4^th XI with W&H scoring 2032 with Paddy McMullan taking 4for 68. In reply the Wick were 59 for 5 There was a recovery lead by Paddy McMullan 48 and Will Strange 52 followed by a ninth wick stand of 46 between Kirk Laight and James Craddock with Kirk scoring the winning runs with 3 balls and 1 wicket  to spare. MOM Paddy McMullan

POTW Schalk Van Vuuren 

Player of the Week - Week 9

1xi vs Kingstonians

Nomaan Ali again excelled with the bat as The Wick, with contributions from Yasir Ahmed, Shaz Ahmed and Imran Rashid, posted 214 for 8 in a rain affected game  In reply Kingstonians reached 206 for 8 form 3 more overs with Nomaan Ali the most successful bowler with 3-69. MOM Nomaan Ali

2xi vs Thames Ditton

Ben Stephens 80, Alex Day 48 and  Razi Abbas 42 helped The Wick score 233 for 7. In reply Thames Ditton were all out for 152 with Saan Singh taking 5-67  as The Wick gained a valuable win. MOM Ben Stephens. 

3xi vs Normandy

Only Sam Kemp with 42 got any runs as The Wick lost to a strong Normandy side by 7 wickets. MOM Sam Kemp

4xi vs Oxted and Limpsfield

A remarkable performance from the 4xi as Oxted posted a formidable total of 230 with only Kirk Laight 2 for 38 and a rare outing for The Chairman 2-35 managing to contain the Oxted batsmen. In reply Rory Blanchard hit a stunning 139 , blasting the bowling to all parts of the ground  in an opening stand of 210 (yes 210) with support from Harry Copeland 55 not out the team chalked up their second win by 9 wickets. MOM Rory Blanchard

A mention should also be made of Richard Cole who took a hat trick whilst guesting for the Wine Trade last Friday.

Player of the Week... Rory Blanchard - well batted young man...

Player of the Week 8

Player of the Week... Alex Jackson

1xi vs Honor Oak

Abandoned after 4 overs

2xi vs Honor Oak

A close game as the Wick posted 194 after 43 overs with the main contributions from Alex Jackson 73 not out and Rob Reeve 35 making the major contributions Honor Oak got to within 8 runs of a win losing 8 wickets in the process. MOM Alex Jackson

3xi vs Worcester Park

Abandoned after 10 overs

4xi vs Guildford
A disappointing performance as only Rory Blanchard with 58 built a decent score. Guildford, thanks to a few dropped catches chased down 118 for the loss of only 3 wickets. MOM Rory Blanchard

POTW – Alex Jackson

3xi vs Woking and Horsell

Van Vurren Masterclass Downs Woking

HWRCC won the toss and decided to bowl

Sayce x2, Talman, Blanchard, Browning, Brown, Clark+, SVV, Kempy Jr, Tommy D, Smith very senior

Woking 127, SVV 5-33

HWRCC 133-3 Sayce 47, Clark 31*, Sayce R 20*

As Wickman has said privately it’s difficult to write match reports when things go well for the Wick. Far easier to draw a picture of tragedy, find a metaphor for calamity and draw comparisons with the circus when we are not at our best.

Saturday had all the ingredients for high comedy. There was a festival at the skatepark. Types of music that Smithy does not have amongst his collection of 78s blared. The deck was dry. The outfield was wispy, bumpy and hard. It was hotter than the Grand Canyon. And the groundsman had prepared the most vertiginous of the available strips. Up was like a hike up Box Hill, down was like the Cresta run. There was a short boundary at the skatepark side. It was difficult to describe the track – brown… dead grass… a ridge on a length outside off at the top. And on this hottest of days the skipper decided to take the field perhaps alarmed by Woking arriving even earlier than the 1s. Perhaps they were worried about Flower Show traffic. We shall never know.

Things started badly. Schalk found the edge and the ball sailed between a stationary keeper and first slip for four. Sagar pounced on this good fortune and found the boundary more forcefully a couple of times as SVV strayed onto the pads. Up the hill Saycey was bowling with a side strain and was about as penetrative as we all think Pele was before discovering little blue pills. Woking’s Wilson decided to leave a straight one to his cost to bring SVV early reward but the oppo were getting away to decent start with Unsure at 3 looking compact and competent. Behind the stumps concern was rearing its ugly head accompanied by sweat in the armpit regions.

But almost as soon as we became concerned Schalk induced a simple caught and bowled to get rid of Sagar and a bowling change up the hill saw Dan Kemp swing one from leg to middle to hit the back pad of Unsure. Unsure was unsure but the umpire was not and he was on his way. Then Schalk began to weave magic in his spell like a Prawny Harry Potter. Murphy chopped an inswinger on, Lock got bogged down and went aerial to mid off and then Tune slashed at a wider bouncer to give Clark a simple catch behind. Kemp removed the #7 (well held Alex Brown at midwicket) and all of a sudden the game had turned on its head.

If you are imagining demons in the pitch then refrain. Evans for Woking fought back by blocking the straight ones and choosing judiciously from the less good ones to mount a fight back. Any thought of a quick turn around, tea and a shower were put on hold and finally dismissed as he made 40 and number 10 Mandar batted very sensibly to make double figures. Smith took a wicket having toiled slightly in the heat, Tommy D was rapid and accurate down the hill, finding the edge to produce a staggering one handed slip catch for Blanchard. Wickman remembers having reactions like that. Well I say that, Wickman remembered a couple of hours later that he once had reactions like that. The introduction of Max Talman to bowl wonderfully flighted left arm around induced the final wicket. Not MUCH damage had been done but 68 was now 127 from about 45 overs.

Tea was standard DBW. Don’t remember much about it. Busy trying to re-hydrate and bring core body temperature down from “surface of the Sun” to “Magaluf”.

A new opening partnership was tried, Sayce P this week deciding to open with Blanchard – fresh from last week’s blistering 139. Sayce looked serene again this week and is in stacks of form. He has begun to find gaps for fun and his driving on the posh side was impeccable. Jones, down the hill, tried to repeat the formula of being quick and South African which had worked wonders for Schalk but perhaps banged a few too many in. Schalky’s spell had been characterised by balls that would hit the stumps, this… not as much.

Blanchard encouraged the oppo skipper and designated sledger somewhat by backing away and lashing the ball over the slips a few times. First slip put down a sitter. There were oooos and ahhhhhs but the partnership put on 30 something before Rory was caught trying one shot too many for a creditable 19.

Max Talman looked well organised but struggled to get it away before receiving something off the ridge that got big on him, edging behind. The two Sayces then unhurriedly settled in the middle with Rob assembling quietly and the skipper continuing to alternate between rock solid defence and lacerating boundaries.

Perhaps in a last throw of the dice the oppo skipper brought himself on and immediately secured himself a breakthrough and some new found verbal confidence by getting an LBW decision against Paul… only three short of a well deserved half.

There was the threat of showers towards the West when Clarky entered the fray. Lock tied him up in knots to start with and he only just survived a sharp leg side stumping. But soon it became clear that this pair wanted to finish the game and it became a battle between Sayce R and Clarky as to who would hit the winning runs as both picked off boundaries as the target diminished. There was an air of resignation as the Wick passed 110 and the match was finished in a flurry of blows, a head high full toss being sent into the ionosphere behind square to deliver the last rites.

As is the way Alex Brown and Nick Blanchard didn’t get much of a game this week. Not enough runs from Woking to get them to the crease. Woking won’t make the same mistake again in a few weeks time when the 50 overs stuff re-commences. They were a decent bunch so we'll look forward to it. The old Westfield ground always was a lovely place to play. Decent teas back in the day.... Mmm decent teas...

MOM is Schalky again. Top, top bowling.

Weekend Round Up - July 12th

Match reports are harder to come by than Wickwashes and Unicorn dung. So here's a quick update on the Weekend's matches.

Back in the days of the Fuller’s League with two and three sides out on a Saturday a Wickwash was a beautiful thing. With four sides out playing Surrey Championship cricket and all four playing at a level which is more competitive, it’s been a while since all four came back victorious.

The 1s did well on Saturday to restrict Old Hamptonians to 227-8 with Godfrey for the oppo assembling a neat 62. The reply started so slowly that President Bob was rumoured to have slipped momentarily into a coma – but rebuttals suggest that the oppo opener needed repelling before battle could fully commence. The 1s through Rashid and Ali (80+) then got stuck in and but for a rain break might have chased the total. The three overs lost left too much to do but a rollicking innings from Matty D secured the winning draw and allowed for a 9 slip field – which Matty pierced to balcony and Bob delight – for the last three balls. The Wick are solidly 4^th with ground to make up on second place.

The 2s were away to Chipstead and spoke fondly of pitch, tea and general conditions. But not of the result. 62 for Ian Collier and 35 for Razi coupled with a vintage Webster / Goodwin last wicket partnership assembled only a sub-par 175. At 22-3 the Wick were in with a shout but a 122 run partnership between Dombrandt and Capron all but delivered victory as the shine departed. The Wick only managed to delay the inevitable as Chipstead overhauled the total in the 34^th over. Rapid. The 2s league seems to be split in two with our mob topping the bottom half of the table, six points clear of relegation.

The 3s were at home on what passes these days for a road on Kingsfield. Woking raced away to a fast start which presaged a long, hot, afternoon in the field but wickets for Schalk and Dan Kemp soon had them in a degree of bother. Tighter than the Saffa equivalent of a virgin gnat, SVV took 5-33 in his best spell of the season. The oppo lower order fought back from 68-8 or thereabouts (it could have been a very short game) to set 128 to win. Skipper Sayce continued his rich vein of form with 47 to drag the Wick to 90 odd for 3 in company with his brother before Clark thrashed a quick 31* to bring the boys home before the rain shower that derailed the 1s could make things interesting. With Walton (2) beating Normandy (1) and hosting The Wick (3) on Saturday thoughts of promotion will be concentrated south of the river…

Details of the 4s game are sketchy as most of the team were unable to string a sentence together on Sunday afternoon but the scorecard tells of a decent Woking innings of 202… and a Wick collapse to 50 odd for 5. Will Strange then battered 52, Paddy weighed in with 48 (?) and until the scorecard is completed we won’t know who got us over the line, 9 down, in the last over. The boys are now climbing the 4xi table and are 8 points clear of relegation after a ropey start to the year. #edmondsin.

With the Summer Holiday period fast approaching, please make sure you can be available for selection. Going to Thorpe Park is not an option. You know who you are…

WICK

Player of the Week - Week 7

1xi v Churt

A good performance with a significant 134 run partnership between Imran Rashid 77 not out and Nomaan Ali 80 as The Wick chased down 206 to win by

 5 wickets. All the bowlers took wickets with Imran with 2-33 having the best figures. MOM Imran Rashid

2xi v Chertsey

Another disappointing batting display saw the 2xi lose by 3 wickets with only Muhammed Imran Asif scoring more than 20. Adrian Birkett with 4-50 was the pick of the bowlers as a simple dropped catch let their skipper off the hook and score an match winning 40 not out. MOM Adrian Birkett. 

3xi v Trinity Mid Whigiftians

A game of two halves as Paul Sayce (115 not out) with the first league century of the season and Nick Clark (83 from 60 balls) ripped apart the opposition bowling attack. When TMG batted the wicket turned from a road into a minefield as Schalk Van Vuuren took 6 for 43. The Wick ended up convincing winners by 184 runs. MOM Paul Sayce

4xi v Reigate Priory

A first win of the season for the 4xi chasing 210 to win by 4 wickets. Tom Donnelly was the pick of the bowlers with 3 for 48 as Mark Mackie (61) and Harry Copeland (45) chased down the runs. MOM Mark Mackie

POTW – Paul Sayce (it had to be !) Many congratulations

3xi vs Trinity Mid Whitgiftians

Sayce changes his order from bed and breakfast to full board...

Sayce Ton Sets Up Comprehensive Win for Wick

Scorecard

After the torture of the first third of the season, so redemption came for hard pressed batsmen at Trinity Mid Whitgiftians on Saturday. Where before this season we have been condemned to bat on soggy bogs and drying tracks, this time we were treated to a rock hard deck, lightning outfield and the generosity that only batting against ten men can replicate. This was a day to revel in timing, to stand and admire shots skim to the boundary, to trust in strokeplay and to enjoy our cricket.

TMW’s ground was a new pleasure for your correspondent. Only Valley End’s 3^rd team ground ranks more fondly in his memory, being as it is just slightly more rural and rustic than this. Bordered by rolling countryside, beautifully kept and on the warmest day of the year so far, this was a ground to wrap up and take home. While one could quibble about our own beautiful sunsets and chunter about the energy sapping drive south through some of Surrey’s more featureless conurbations, when we got there we could set cares and worries aside and – with the usual nervous anticipations aside – relax. Even the changing facilities were top notch and the tea - *smacks lips* was close to perfect.

Sayce won the toss and batted without hesitation. AJ declined to open the batting, moaning softly of half remembered gin and tonics, cocktails and unwise late refreshing beers in Brixton. He moaned some more and castigated himself when he finally saw the track, the outfield and the early exchanges as Sayce settled in to bat all day on what, in combination with some relatively friendly bowling, was as grassless and artless as a Heathrow runway.

As early as the fifth over an excited Sayce was changing his TMW reservation from “bed and breakfast” to “full board” and this correspondent could have sworn he ordered champagne to be delivered to his room too. Apart from offering two return catches to Donald Pleasance lookalike Asbury (the first was a sitter, the second hit his wrist and removed him from the attack) as he struggled to believe that the wicket was as flat as it was, Sayce played beautifully, driving through the off and tickling to leg as if to the manor born. It was inevitable as he set himself that he would reach fifty and as the change bowlers came and went, only a mistake or an early declaration would prevent him reaching a ton. Later in his innings he was brutal on anything over or short pitched, peppering the boundary behind square and testing the excellent Tom James’ fielding skills to the limit. He reached his hundred with only one further alarm when he almost managed to run himself out to the aforementioned James’ arm. Top, top innings allowing others to bat around him. And red ink too batting for almost 47 overs for 115*.

The recipient of  AJ’s hungover largesse was Clarky. Like Sayce he too had diced and spliced in earlier weeks on soggy and drying decks. Here he found to his delight that when the ball was hit it stayed hit. While Sayce was modest in his demands of Hotel TMW, Clark called down to the kitchen and instructed them to bring him his boots, full. By drinks he had assembled a chanceless 78*, mostly through the V and together the skipper and he amassed 153 for the first wicket, until Clarky, eyeing the puddings, tried to pull a ball that kept low and lost his bails 17 short of what would have been a well-deserved century. 83 from 60 balls had certainly helped to set the game up though and Clarky seemed fairly content.

Sayce R joined his brother and moved the field around for a few overs, putting on a brisk 60+ with his brother before Sayce Very Senior had no hesitation in sending him back LBW despite the fact that Rob provided him with a Grandson this week. How ungrateful. The old have so little respect for the young these days. As also evidenced by Smith making Clark the butt of his attempts at humour throughout the day.

AJ – by now recovered and thirsting for runs, not Red Bull, then joined in the fun and turned the latter overs into a full on assault ordering boundaries from the TMW a la carte menu and charging them to Saycey’s bill. He hit three sixes down the ground and into the woods on the way to a rapidly assembled 44* which ensured that even if the game had not been taken away from TMW before, it certainly was now. The skipper declared on 293-2… roughly double the highest 3s innings of the season and probably 100 more than the 3s managed in any innings last season.

And so to tea. It was a belter. Always a good sign when you need a fork because the food comes hot. Melt in the mouth quiche. Little wonton wraps. A Greek salad. Things with pastry. Oh goodness, oh gracious. A walnut cake out of the top drawer, moist to the point of ridiculousness. Scones… If only the bruschetta had had a hint of garlic wiped across them or some seasoning we would be talking 10. But 9 it was. It contributed to the feeling that we were playing at a club that seriously cares about cricket and cricketers everywhere.  Mmmmm. *drools at cake*.

The oppo bowling, if we are completely honest, apart from the excellent endeavours of Sutcliffe and Hughes, lacked the ability  to tie down our batsmen once Asbury had tired and eventually re-tired due to injury.

Schalk was a different prospect on this deck though. Despite not quite delivering his best spell of 2014, he quickly pinned the Oppo skipper in front on the back leg, and later in his spell cunningly employed slower balls to twice find himself on a hat-trick. Sadly on both occasions the batsmen declined to play at slightly wider balls. At the other end the skipper bowled the other opener and only Tom James provided firm resistance in the first half of TMW’s reply. Ultimately no one could stick with him in the face of Schalk’s attack – a grade above anything else on offer.

Stephens gave a very good account of himself behind the stumps. His footwork is still sure and his legside work to Dan Kemp in particularly exemplary. He took a very good catch from an inside edge that observers often fail to appreciate the difficulty level of. It was a mixed day in the slip cordon as the oppo flashed hard and a number of opportunities were as much ignored as spurned.

Kempy Jr couldn’t quite provide a breakthrough due to the standards in the cordon despite bowling a very good length. As the innings began to subside we looked around the field to amuse ourselves and settled on who would become TFC. With Chaz, Daro and Smith yet to bowl and Tom struggling to justify his afternoon having not batted the race was on to see who would win the coveted prize.

Chaz was introduced and removed James via a left handed snaffle at third slip and bowled with great control and guile showing that spin on this wicket didn’t necessarily have to disappear into the woods. Daro bowled beautifully again and almost redeemed Tom who was desperate to cling onto a chance at first slip to remove the TFC tag but grassed it… leaving Daro no option but to bowl the no 10. Smith bristled at the thought he might be TFC reminding people of extraneous factors such as having driven to the game and taking the piss out of Clarky as valid contributions but Tom manfully accepted his fate.

We lingered in the setting sun for half an hour to soak up an emphatic win and toast the skipper’s exemplary knock. And then home via the Wick balcony where winners were grinners. MOM Saycey...

3xi vs Purley - Match Report by Smith G.(Please note, currently with Lawyers)

Grazza Appoints New Lawyers to Handle his Growing Case Work

Match report  3^rd XI v Purley  by Smith G

Scorecard

It should now be abundantly clear to those who are still keeping half an eye on the Wick blogspot  that the match report has become a relatively rare beast this year and may well be  joining the three legged aardvark on the endangered species list. [Come on Tongy, Delbert, Charles... just delegate! - Ed]

I suggest that we really need to  examine why this is happening.

Could it be that Wickman has been overzealous with his editing?

Could it be that our 1^st team skipper has been far too busy at work to type a few words or that he can’t quite reach the keyboard?

Could it be that by 10.00 pm on a Saturday, our 2^nd and 4^th team skippers simply can’t remember what has gone off during the day? 

Could it be that our 3^rd team skipper can’t find the words to accurately describe the athletic beauty of his most experienced bowler’s approach to the crease?

All of these arguments hold water but I remain unconvinced.

Having ruminated long and hard about this, I suggest that the real reason lies in the proliferation of litigation regarding libel and slander. This means that people are just too scared to air their views in case offence is caused and a law suit ensues.

It is indeed important that views expressed in match reports should be tempered to avoid hurt feelings. For example, you may very well think, with good reason, that Clarky is a boring old fucker but you shouldn’t write in a match report that Clarky is a boring old fucker because that could be injurious to his feelings.

Care needs to be taken and words rehashed to prevent feelings being hurt.  Therefore, using the above example, you should simply write that … “Clarky has a wealth of fascinating cricket based trivia which he is very keen to share with his team members who are, to a man, enthralled by his wit and wisdom”.

Alternatively you could just describe Clarky in match reports as “BOF” which could be interpreted as a genuine term of endearment (rather than its true meaning of Boring Old Fucker).

With all this  in mind, I have struggled to compile a suitable match report for the 3^rd XI game against Purley. Just how can I describe Paul Sayce’s dismissal at the start of our effort to chase down 139 without causing offence? What I would like to write is the unadulterated truth, which is that the Purley opening bowler dobbed a gentle full toss to Sayce who spooned it straight to mid off, precipitating a team collapse that was pitiful to behold.

But I can’t write that in case I get sued, so I will describe the events thus:

"Our handsome skipper strode to the middle, looking resplendent in his freshly laundered flannels. He purposefully surveyed the opposition fielding positions and then settled at the crease, his jaw set manfully in anticipation. The new cherry began its journey from bowler to bat and our hero, with a calm air of authority, looked to dispatch the approaching “fullish” delivery to the boundary. Unfortunately the “fullish” delivery must have veered wickedly in its final inch of flight , leaving Sayce absolutely no option but to gently deposit the ball into mid off’s hands, and then to head serenely back to the beautiful Kings Field pavillion, quoting Kiplings ‘If’ on the way."

His loyal team mates offered heartfelt sympathy:

Charlie High: “Hard lines, skip. You couldn’t do much about that one”

Dan Kemp:  “Bad luck skip, what a brute of a delivery. You did well do lay a bat on it”

Smith:  “Sayce, you complete and utter twat.”

The rest of the match can be openly and honestly described because the other team members do not possess the intellectual nor financial wherewithal to commence legal proceedings.

But quite frankly there was little of merit to report although Mackie and High both displayed evidence of sublime batting skills which they both possess in abundance and threatened to win the game for us by themselves. Unfortunately they both perished after a handy 50 run partnership leaving the less talented batsmen at the mercy of a tidy bowling attack. Nothing much of note to report here, except that Smith managed to gift his wicket by letting a wide one pass his bat but at the same time lifting his back leg as if he were a dim  Labrador marking his territory, giving the keeper plenty of time to whip off the bails whilst his foot was still airborn.

To look on the positives, I should add that this woeful batting display followed an impressive bowling display by Wick in the first innings. Sayce managed 14 overs up the hill and gave away only 24 runs and picking up 2 wickets in the process. Chris Wood from Up North (not New Zealand, Charlie) impressed with a very tidy opening spell, Dan Kemp also bowled well during his 9 overs while never looking entirely comfortable coming down the hill  - sometimes it is easy to lose the important “gather” when coming down the hill and  a spell up the hill will, I am sure, help to get his balance right. Rifat chipped in with a handy two wickets and Smith trundled down the slope to some effect, picking up 4 scalps.

Dismissing Purley for 138 evidenced the bowling skills on show but dropping 4 or 5 catches may have been the main reason for the loss.

So there we have a non contentious match report with absolutely no offence caused to any party. It can clearly be done which means that we should all look forward to more match reports penned by our hard working skippers.